Update

[lessthanaman]

Dropped the notes off for the week with Thomas and discussed simple stretching ideas. Dizziness is slowly getting better. I don't feel like stairs are an excuse to see how unsteady I am on my feet.

Kitchen is swamped due to cooking for some meeting, and I suspect I should have someone else there so I don't accidentally let a pan scald. I might do fine. I'm sleeping better than I ever did back when I was Gabranth. Basch was asleep when I passed his door, and as far as I know he does not sleep well later at night. So - waiting to order or try cooking. It is not a terrible thing.

I think I'll stop by that holy office. Brother Hanzo sits there sometimes, to meditate, and I have the feeling he leaves when he feels he has regretted enough versus when he is peaceful. The quiet did not feel oppressive, when I went there with Brother Sebastian. It - does not seem an insult to the meaning of the place to just want to sit a while, and possibly benefit from another's devotions. Bearing witness is a devotion of a sort, and one that is hard to fail.

Comments

[andrastian]

There's obviously not the same amount of time in any given day to devote what he used to in prayer and in speaking the words of the chant, but Sebastian tends to haunt the prayer room all the same, minus the times that Hanzo's headed in instead, when the room is transformed a little, but there's incense in the air, a little more perfumed than Hanzo's, that remains no matter who is there, and a small statue Sebastian's knelt in front of, his voice finding an easy rhythm in what he has always known.

The days have been hard, lately, things in Starkhaven have been hard to gain a hold of, and though he's holding firm and change IS coming, a few times return, on and off to bring him doubt, despite the fact it's weakening his resolve and...Sebastian can't allow for that to continue, if there is to be any help for that. And so he tries, at least to find a sense of peace in the words he's known from early childhood, if not a source of inspiration too.

"Maker, my enemies are abundant.
Many are those who rise up against me.
But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion,
Should they set themselves against me.

In the long hours of the night
When hope has abandoned me,
I will see the stars and know
Your Light remains."

[lessthanaman]

Noah hesitates near the door and then slips in to take a seat near the back. Incense isn't uncommon in his experience, even if the exact scents vary from place to place.

The talk about stars and light sounds like something Basch might like. The way the night haunts him (via Noah's own doing,)is something that haunts Noah in turn. Maybe when the weather was clear, they could go up on the roof and watch the stars, with a mug of something. It would be better with mulled wine, but that's more because just about everything in Dalmasca eventually came back to a mug of something warm with spices on that kind of night.

When did he start planning for the future like that? Is it hope or foolishness?

[andrastian]

It likely is a good thing that Noah is planning for a future now, instead of simply going about things as they will. There is a lot to be said for coming up with goals, and strategies to face the days ahead. Hope is one thing that remains eternal against many other troubles, after all. Why not embrace it here and now.

Sebastian has some hope for all that things have become difficult, for all that his council's proving difficult to deal with, and the chantry's not been helpful either, but hope alone doesn't sustain some things, and he hardly notices that anyone's come in, a little far back in his thoughts.

"I have faced armies
With You as my shield,
And though I bear scars beyond counting, nothing
Can break me except Your absence.

When I have lost all else, when my eyes fail me
And the taste of blood fills my mouth, then
In the pounding of my heart
I hear the glory of creation.

You have grieved as I have.
You, who made worlds out of nothing..."

And here, Sebastian pauses, not so much hearing as sensing that he's been joined. He's taken out of things a little, glancing up and behind him, expecting perhaps Hanzo to have come, though when he notices Noah is here instead, he can't help cocking a curious eyebrow in his direction.

"I...do you need me to..."

[lessthanaman]

"I -" Noah clears his throat. "No. I thought I might find you here, and I was listening. I can go, if you want privacy? I suppose - I am latching on your quiver, so to speak, but it is a pleasant journey."

Thankfully, there's nothing reflective handy for Noah to see how ridiculous his expressions are. His body language is as steady as ever, but wearing that helmet or that blow to his head seems to have destroyed his poker face.

If he'd guess, he probably looks - wistful? Thinking about his brother. Most of the love poetry in Archades tended to focus on your cutting wit and charming looks, versus a scarred survivor who knows the relationship left them stronger. Of course, this isn't love poetry. This is - a Bride to a God? His cosmology is weak.

[andrastian]

"I hardly mind that at all." Sebastian offers him a slightly dazed smile. "Please, if you'd like to stay. I hardly mind at all." And then, he's turning fully, getting a look at Noah's face, and catching that look on his face.

"If I might," He says, "You look like there is something on your mind? Or...questions?" He's not sure how to proceed here. "You can ask if you'd like. I'm fairly adept at explaining this by now."

[lessthanaman]

"Nothing I should probably ask, I fear." Noah smiles back at him automatically. "Thoughts about my brother, and . . . mistakes. And the meaning of friendship. Not exactly appropriate, here and now, I suspect. I may ask of your plans, when you finish, but that does not mean you need to stop."

Noah's invoked the Fates, largely as the idea that the world seems intent on knocking you down with speed and irony, but they weren't something you exactly prayed to. Or cursed. If anything, you preferred to be beyond the radar of anything like that. It was more like knocking on wood for luck. Organized religions like this weren't anything he hated, per se, as much as - it was like the brotherhood. He believed in Haytham Kenway at first, and then it slowly spread to finding peace in the brotherhood, not in that specific brother.

And even then, Haytham was sad that Noah did not trust them with the truth about Basch.

[andrastian]

"Brothers and mistakes..." Sebastian's smile twists a little, his tone almost ironic as he says the words. "I know something of those. And friendship? I wouldn't mind speaking of that at more length, myself. It seems to me to be something that changes, more and more."

Belief is one of those things that changes too, at that. Sebastian's had his own shift more than once, even though the main one hasn't wavered. These days, while his faith in Andraste, and the Maker, has remained, he's also found Starkhaven, and a faith in her, a need to serve, that's equally as fervent.

"And I'm near done, here, actually. The prayer's for those in need of faith, something to sustain them through difficulties. The entire thing is fairly long, but the bits we use, those aren't so much."

[lessthanaman]

"Then - if sleep is not calling you, we could do that? Changing friendships can be - troubling to the mind. People seek consistency because it does have a comfort." Noah shifts to his feet and moves closer. "You . . . have grieved as I have," He's dropped his voice a little since he's not sure if this counts as insulting, but - he can remember the start of a verse?

[andrastian]

"Not for some time yet." Sebastian smiles. "I'd appreciate it. There is quite a lot on my mind just now, and the distraction, it may help me find what I need."

He turns back then, shutting his eyes a moment, taking a few breaths to find the rhythm of the verse again.

"
You have grieved as I have.
You, who made worlds out of nothing.
We are alike in sorrow, sculptor and clay,
Comforting each other in our art.

Do not grieve for me, Maker of All.
Though all others may forget You,
Your name is etched into my every step.
I will not forsake You, even if I forget myself.

Maker, though the darkness comes upon me,
I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm.
I shall endure. "


"I shall endure." Sebastian repeats, firmer now, as he stands, feeling a bit more centered, despite all of the rest. "The Maker works in some strange ways. Perhaps he sent you to remind me of the fact tonight."

[lessthanaman]

Noah gets up a little more slowly, but at least the stabbing pain has gone down with time. "Tea, perhaps? I was thinking of trying to cook, but it would be safer to have someone else there to make sure I don't get distracted."

He looks at the little statue, and then back at Sebastian. "Thank you. For sharing this with me."

[andrastian]

Sebastian looks at him now, thinking about the fact that may have been a little difficult, but so long as he doesn't seem in much pain, it's something to keep an eye on, more than to mention right now.

"Tea is a good idea." He nods. "And a kitchen spotter, as it were. I could manage to help with that. You are welcome, you know. Any time you might need peace."